The Birthing Story

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Forgive me if you are reading this and you are pregnant with your first baby. In fact, feel free to look away or click the close button now if you don’t want the truth on what delivering a baby from a tiny hole that shouldn’t be stretched that big truly feels like.

OK, so if you’re still reading you have either given birth and know just how horrendous it can be (there’s no delicate way to put it) or you the hard-core and want the truth. Because that’s just it isn’t it, no one actually really says how fucking mind-alteringly painful it is until after you’ve given birth and then finally, other women look at you sympathetically and say things like, “It’s the worst thing ever!” – “How’s “everything feeling”” – or they just glaze over and shudder. It’s like there’s a secret code between women, that we only admit how truly explosively painful child birth is to other women who have already given birth and we definitely don’t tell pregnant ladies.

I’m afraid I am breaking the female code to share with you my birthing story but if this blog is about the truth then I suppose I owe it to you. Plus I’d go through ten times the pain just to have this little joy in my life, so the pluses definitely out way the mind numbingly painful minus.

If you were following along in my previous posts, this pregnancy was more difficult than my other two which made the end in sight seem more exciting. But the last few days before giving birth, I had that great fear of the unknown. Like BAM out of nowhere someone was going to mug me when I least expected it. I didn’t know where or when it was going to happen or how fast it was going to be, BUT I knew IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN eventually and what I was in for.

Now for the birthing story…

Once upon a time on November 17th I went to visit my midwife for my weekly check up. That checkup ended with her telling me not to expect anything this weekend as baby seems pretty darn happy staying put. So to my surprise I awoke Saturday morning at 4am in PAIN and noticed my mucous plug went! I’ll admit, even though my “push pop” might be downgraded for this… (Side note: a push pop is what you receive after pushing a watermelon out of you… because the joy of your baby isn’t enough) the pain was bearable and mild.

Figuring I won’t be showering alone for a long time, I may as well soak in my 4am shower in peace and try to relax my contractions for a little longer. Success, I felt a little better and went back to sleep for 2 more hours.

9am rolls around – we had a few things to mark off the “To Do” list before baby arrives. Contractions were still 1 in every 10 minutes so all was good in the world.

By noon, with things seemingly steady I call the mid-wife to let her know of the events. She requested to see us because I was Group B Positive and may need antibiotics. Off to the hospital we go.

3pm – Stress test on baby seems good. Mid-wife sees no need for antibiotics at this point because my water hasn’t broken. Tells me to go home rest – baby will probably come in the next few days. (FEW DAYS I thought!!! That’s a joke right!!!)

So we did what any reasonable, soon to be parents of 3 children would do, soak in the fact our kids were with Grandpa and went shopping. With bags in tow we went home and started to get cozy on the couch until POP! Something literally popped inside me. Now, for a split second I thought my baby exploded until that flood gates of heaven started to pour out of me and I knew – my water was now broken.

7pm – My birth team (Momma Bear Sue and Papi Cesar) arrived back to RCH to get this show on the road. Fast and painless weas my expectation – obviously Unicorn Status. I get checked and I am a whopping 3CM dilated. What the f*ck happened to my Unicorn Status of me sneezing and this baby flying out of me??? Guess we have a bit to go. Antibiotics are in. Next dose is at 11:30pm if we make it.

Now for the stairs. Figuring this will be my last workout for 6 weeks – I drag along the birthing team and go hike some stairs together – 14 flights to be exact (thank you Fitbit for tracking my steps and flights). Still not much progress but we are now sitting at 1 in every 4 minutes for contractions.

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PAUSE: Before this point, I forgot to mention my husband, whom I dearly love, felt the needed to not only document my experience on social media, but also take photos of me during my outbreaks of contractions curled up on the bed counting my last moments of life thinking I was going to die. Because of course… this would be something I’d like to REMEMBER LATER! Not the wisest of decision since I have now made a bed for him on the floor for the next few months to think long and HARD about ever doing that again.

RESUMING…. 11:30pm arrives – Second dose of antibiotics are in and oxytocin was running at an all time high throughout my body. At this point since the contractions weren’t progressing fast enough, they decided to induce me. I am now curled over a stability ball (I will never look at this piece of equipment again in my studio) looking for any kind of sympathetic support while I was saying my last prayer thinking there would be no way I will survive this one.

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Half delirious and helpless, I look at my mid-wife around 12:50am (now November 19th – the official due date) and tell her I have to push. Ok, this might have been a lie, I didn’t need to push But I KNEW… if I didn’t have something else to focus on besides the excruciating pain circulating throughout my body I would give up and tell them to cut this thing out of me.

I flip over on my back, Midwife does her check and informs me I am still not 10cm dilated but my cervix was soft. She said… Lisa your body will work with you – just push and we’ll see what happens. So the birthing bars go up, feet are in position ready for blast off and my Mid-Wife tells me to go water skiing… HOLD UP water skiing??? I thought I was birthing a BABY??? (Water Skiing: This is where they tie a bed sheet to the birthing bar and make you pull yourself up and push against the bar with your feet… this is not fun, attractive or as enjoyable as water skiing might I just add). I pulled and I pushed for a painfully SLOW 2 MINUTES and blastoff – Miss Livia Alejandra Pineda was born into the world at exactly 1:09am on November 19th, 2017 – her expected due date.

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Best one-liner of the night from the nurse at RCH – “You were so quiet through the entire process I wouldn’t have even know you were delivering a baby” Why thank you nurse, but what you didn’t know was I thought I was dying and I had to pray for forgiveness on all my sins… otherwise I would have been using “choice language” and trying to murder my husband for the “WONDERFUL NIGHT IN NYC where Miss Livia first came to be”!

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